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Part I - Wednesday, January 13

Well tonight is Wednesday the 15th and in order to get half credit for this story that I forgot to write I must write something. So I will tell you some tales of woe...

So for my first story, i will tell you about all the things that i did besides remember to post this story on time...

It all started one day when Mrs. Miller decided to start having wovelists again. I raised my hand to volunteer because i just wanted to get it over with. So after I left school I went home and played outside and did some other things. I got a new helmet... It is brown. I started riding my bike to school again. I found out that on my where the red fern grows packet i was 5 chapters behind on the questions. So I went home, soon realizing that i did not have a red fern book. I knew for sure that the teachers would have left by the time I realized it was gone. So i really knew i had a problem. I went home to find out that //spraddle// wasn't in my dictionary. My computer was not working, therefore i had a problem... I realized that the scrapbook pages on my author were due tomorrow. So I eventually was able to type after a long sequence of events that //I will fail to tell you about.// I just copied and pasted a ton of notes and then rewrote the important stuff into 3 exceptionally short paragraphs. I did no artwork whatsoever... I don't like reading. It bores me terribly. My author is Gary Paulsen. If you are wondering, the book i currently should be farther than one chapter into is Tracker. I will eventually get to Dogsong and Hatchet. Today in class I realized (by being pointed out by the teacher that I did not do it) that I was a wovelist. I am pretty sure that by Wednesday night most people will have posted their comments and that this story won't get any. Since this story is very short, I will find a way to expand it. Today when we freewrited for the first five minutes I couldn't think of anything to write about. So I started to stare at Ryan Mysko. He was preparing a page to type his story on. He moved the spacing and wrote "By: Ryan". I started reading, soon after copying his story. It started with "The story_". He suddenly glanced at me and put his laptop... well on his lap and started trying to type under his desk. The 11 o'clock loud recording of a bell started playing that queer melody. Then it made 11 noises. Seconds after, that stupid little timer started making noise. I of course, sit right next to the "podium" as they call it. It was loud and annoying. Mrs. Miller pushed that little brass colored bell thing and she waited a few seconds. A bunch of people were still talking so she told them to sit down. She then was like "VOLUNTEERS TO READ!". I at one time was on a strike against star stamps because anyone who had a laptop would lone it to someone for about 5 minutes and they would get two stamps times however many people they lent it to. Ryan had about 5 homework passes on his desk and Mr. Moon just was like. "Ok! Ryan.... how do you have so many of these?" Soon after they stopped giving stamps for laptops. I was pleased enough so I stopped strike. Jacob Harris however, is still on strike for unknown reasons. Now back to the volunteer to read. I raised my hand and she picked me. I was second to last in line because Blaze was like "NO! I AM READING LAST!". I was terribly bored because there were about 7 people in front of me who got 2 minutes each. John started preaching about how Pantsman yells, "What the PANTS?!" and a mystical pony/motorcycle descended from the heavens. Pantsman yelled " What the PANTS?! I can't ride the pony because you say I'm a guy!" So he called himself a shman and he got to ride both. Erin Stuhley started making fun of all Mrs. Miller's signs in the room such as the sign under the "SMART"board that says "WHY?". Yes, WHY? is the question at hand. WHY? would you put up such a stupid sign that says WHY? And WHY? would you have a picture of grass as desktop background on your computer. Zack recited a poem about how pretty pink ponies will always be with him. I hope this philosophy comes true. Zack is my "Schoolie G" as opposed to this kid on my street who is my mini "Homie G". So yeah, me and Zack are friends. Erin's story really got me thinking... WHY? do they call it the "MATH STUMPER HALL of FAME?" It's 7:11 and I think I've expanded my story enough... My next story will be........................................ SPLENDID!!!!

Section II January 18th This is the story that I probably would've written if I hadn't written it at 6:30 on Wednesday morning like last time. PS... I was tired... That was a freewrite. So don't judge me if I start babbling on about my __marvelous__ life. And now for something completely different...

One day in the land of Asgarnia, there were was a **dwarf** named Hermie. Hermie had a friend. Hermie's friend's name was Rolf. That being said, this story is **//HERMIE AND ROLF'S WRETCHED QUEST.//** Hermie was thinking, which is always a good thing because if you're not thinking you'll probably end up hurting yourself. But this time Hermie had an idea. He wanted to be famous. So he fetched his pitchfork and marched towards a fortress. He slaughtered who he thought to be the king. He happened to have some ninja skills so he was not detected along the way. Many guards showed up. He soon realized that there was no king in Asgarnia. He was no longer famous. No one knew why they thought they had a king. Hermie was determined to seek his fortune so he decided to visit Rolf. Rolf was at home this whole time just sitting back and eating some turnips. Rolf offered Hermie some turnips upon entering his living quarters, so Hermie had some. They resumed eating their turnips. The two dwarves had a long conference. They decided that they needed something to do while thinking of what to do. So they decided to watch a snail roam the world. The knelt down and stared. "Oh my god!!! He's never going to make it over that next pebble!!!" screamed Hermie. "He did it!!!!" roared Rolf. They decided that they were complete idiots and they wanted to go on a quest. They wanted to be dragon slayers. They sought out a man who would know where to find a dragon. His name was Sheldon. Sheldon the Dragon Slayer. They knocked on his door. He opened the door and...

Section III This part came up a bit short due to.... well me falling asleep after doing it late Sunday night.

Sheldon started yelling for unknown reasons. He said the vikings were coming. Hermie was shocked, "VIKINGS?! WHERE?!!!" he screamed. The whole place started to crumble and they found themselves on a overlook cliff of the ocean. The storm was fierce. He heard battle shouts in the distance. The was a large norse barge full of vikings that were fighting a giant kraken. The long tentacles of the kraken grasped the trio of future dragon slayers. With a massive heave, it hurled the adventurers aboard the vikings vessel. Instantly the kraken died after one fierce arrow shot from Sheldon's bow. The giant kraken died and the vikings promoted Hermie, Rolf, and Sheldon to viking warlords. They got helmets and huge bloody axes. They suddenly slaughtered all the vikings around and took the ship. They changed course through the storm to a land that only Sheldon knew of. As he told, there were many dragon "peons", yet there was one ruler named Veranus. Veranus was a brutally giant, bloodthirsty, mongrel of a dragon, but it is why she was the queen. She lived in her lair far into the deep gorges and tall mountains of the isle of Crandor. They deccided that their names were completely girly and weak, so they changed them. Sheldon was somewhat happy with his current name, so no change was wanted. However, Hermie wanted to sound like a brutal warrior to match his flashy new set of armor, so he changed his name to Gonthorian. Rolf changed his to Brundt. They then screamed, "CHARGE!!! FOR CAMELOT!!!" Sheldon let Gonthorian and Brundt into the brawl while he shot at the dragons from range. They found that the dragons' blood was a crude fluid. Brundt jumped in it and it caught fire. They found that once it was removed from the puddle, it would catch fire. Sheldon used this to assist the dwarves by applying it to his arrows. They were now fire arrows. He was Brutally prepared for battle against Veranus.

Section IV

In the midst of battle, our heroes found a cave. In this cave there were many minstrels. The minstrels accompied the heroes giving entertainment at times when entertainment was less. Gonthorian wanted to kill the broodmother of these dragons to prevent more of them from continually hatching. Brundt suddenly had a fatal blow of indigestion, and he could go no further. The arthritis in his right leg picked up and he was impaired from walking. Shelodn had been to Crandor many times, and he knew of the way to cure Brundt. They must travel to The Tree of The Curing of Common Illnesses. There, they must confront the Knights Who Say Ni, Ping, and Ni-Wong... Then, they must chop down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring. They shall then be able to obtain the sap will can then be applied directly where it hurts by lethal injection. So The Mighty Gonthorian went to this forest accompanied by some of his favorite minstrels. Gonthorian had them spin his favorite tunes. When they ran out of songs to play, he asked what other songs that they knew. They said, "SAY NO MORE!!! I've got just the tune for this occasion." The minstrels starting whispering to eachother about what tune to spin. "Does he like that one?" said the minstrel standing not to far to the left of the group. " I BET HE DOES! I BET HE DOES!" they suddenly screamed. They started to sing... " I hopped on the plane at LAX, with my dream and my..." "STOP THAT!!! STOP THAT!!!" Gonthorian screamed. He went into a frothing rage and was forced to eat his minstrels. He slow smoked them over his pyre of corpses of the Knights Who Say NI, PING, and NII-WONG. They tasted just smashing with his fresh herring. He chopped down all the trees until he found one that bled. He collected this in his imaginary vial. He returned to Sheldon and Brundt. On the way back he found a human. He said he was a paladin of the Clan of Undesirables. His name was Vulthoom. Sheldon, Brundt, and Gonthorian soon joined Vulthoom's Clan of Undesirables. Fully healed and ready for bloodshed, they found a stable full of hippos. They rode these noble steeds into battle. They found their way to the den of the dragon. Veranus suddenly decided that she did not want to fight. She used her powers to transform the heroes into mighty draconic warriors. They all had the ability to do anything, so they transformed into Canadian Laser Bears, Flying Pigs, and such. They had a new quest of world domination. In other words, an outreach of destruction. Laying waste to common household appliances. Owning the average noob. Corruption of the world. **CORRUPTION IS THE DECAY OF PEOPLE'S VALUES AND THOUGHTS!** Complete decimation of the planet as mortals knew it. Yes, this is the tale of the world as you know it. Completely corrupted. Now time for some standup humor! Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. ;) Knock Knock! Who's there? O NOOOEESSS!!!!! Twas a knock-knock ditcher... Did you know that black holes are not visible?! The only way people can tell that it's there is by the effect it has on the atmosphere around it. It completely destroys the surrounding area! There's one of those in the white house currently. Yes, this is the tale of the world as you know it, full of people having no good endings for stories due to the fact that they feel completely braindead editing their homework at midnight.

I'M TERRIBLY SORRY! I CAN'T SEEM TO HEAR ANY OF YOUR AWESOME INPUT ON MY STORY DUE TO THE SCREAMING APPLAUSE OF THE CROWD THAT YOU ARE PART OF.......................................................................................................